I don't feel like a girl anymore. My life is a mess, but I don't feel like a teenage girl playing at being an adult, smiling and being pretty and trying to save face. That's not to say I feel like an adult either.
I feel like a monster woman, a wolf in girl's clothing, a creature with fangs and claws. I feel wild.
It' not a bad feeling. Actually, it's a fantastic feeling. It's freedom, pleasure, rawness. It's an absence of shame, a place devoid of fucks to give about what other people think of me. My anxiety doesn't do well here, it withers and shrinks. If anything, that makes it worth it.
Right now I'm in a place where I'd rather have sharp edges, bared teeth and warning label eyes. I need my armor, walls in place, and a cautious heart. I need to be about myself first and foremost, and not be afraid to snarl at people who might jeopardize my growth. I don't want to be sweet and delicate, curves and a mild temper. I want to be a beast, beautiful and capable of inciting terror, respected and feared and given a wide berth.
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