Sunday, January 19, 2014

My Best Friend

Today I want to talk to you guys about my best friend. I don't think I've ever really written about her on here before, nothing in depth at least. We've had a lot of ups and down in our friendship; there have been long stretches of time where we've been so angry with each other that we cut each other off completely. Those times allowed us to grow in different ways, but they don't last. We have just come out of one of those times to be honest and I am sincerely hoping it doesn't happen again. I am trying to teach myself how to be more open, to communicate better -hopefully I can make some headway on that front.

Anyways, my best friend's name is Sue and I have known her since we were 12 years old -so just over 11 years. We're only a few months apart (she's older) and we've always had a ton in common. And of course that's what brings people together, especially when you're young. She moved to Massachusetts from Texas and liked rock music, ripped jeans, and black clothes. She studied witchcraft, was strong-willed, and she liked to write. 

Us at a party our freshmen year of college, being weirdos
She made friends with my other bestie (Jen) first seeing as two weeks after she moved to the area, my family moved a couple of towns over. We got to know each other through Jen (who, by the way, is still one of my best friends ever, she is such a dear and we have literally never had a fight that lasted longer than 10 minutes) and it was quickly apparent that we were ideal friends. We liked the same music, dressed similarly, obsessed over the same movies, and wrote the same kind of stories which we of course traded and critiqued. I remember the first time me and Jen made her sit down and watch Queen of the Damned with us because she had never seen it and we fangirled over Stuart Townshend and his leather pants so hard.  

She also helped my study of witchcraft expand. I had started to explore it on my own when my mom brought home a book about it from one of her trips to Salem. My mom has always been very open-minded when it came to alternative belief paths and always encouraged my love of anything to do with fantasy or magic. Delving into witchcraft was a logical step for me, and since Sue had already been studying and practicing for a few years, I went to her to talk and get advice on the matter. Exploring paganism together definitely brought us closer together in a way that other friendships I have made in my life just can't compare to. And practicing together only made the bond stronger, as you have to really trust each other and feel comfortable. She became a sister to me, closer to me than any of my own family, and came to share a place in my heart that before then had only held Jen.

We never went to high school together. She stayed in one school and I went to two different ones. Sometimes I wouldn't have a phone so she'd send me letters in the mail with mix cd's to listen to. She introduced me to Panic! at the Disco that way. When I did have a phone we spent long hours talking, reading off bits of the stories we were working on and bitching about our own lives. High school was a very dark time for me. My home life was stressful, I was depressed, addicted to self-harm, and I hate everything. Sue was an anchor for me during all of that. She had her own problems to deal with, but she never stopped helping me with mine, and I always tried to do the same for her. 

Us at our favourite goth club together, 2011.
We decided to go to the same college, which was the one that her brother had started at the year before us. We had a few classes together (including an 8am history class that we both mostly slept through) our first semester and our friendship morphed to fit the fact that we were now seeing each other almost every day instead of once every three or four months. We had a lot of ups and downs -other relationships got in the way (including my relationship from hell with the worst person ever) and we got on each other's nerves. Not that it was all bad -we also went to parties together, drank and danced and teased our friends while playing beer pong, we played frisbee in the quad, bought each other coffee, studied together, and spent three hours once dancing in one of the empty lounges. We even lived together for a little while, and while that had it's own mess of problems (due to a lot of different things) it was nice to have her in the other room, to know she was there and have someone to go to when I just wanted to chat or watch tv. We drank a lot of wine, played ddr (once while drinking straight vodka -I do and don't recommend that 100%), watched paranormal tv shows before bed, and threw some pretty awesome parties.

And now we're 23 and we live at least a half hour away from each other and we're talking again. She got me to watch Teen Wolf and now I'm completely addicted, and we talk about our books, our workouts, our food. And I let her in on something that I have kept secret from almost everyone because I was terrified. It feels like a weight has been lifted. I have a lot of internal issues, my anxiety being the biggest, but having my best friend to talk to has made me feel like more of a person again. The last year has been a haze with not a whole lot of good and far too much bad. I tried to cling to positivity but the entire time I could feel myself slipping. It's weird when you become so disconnected that you're not even sure you're a person or just the idea of a person. 

Sue makes me feel like a person. She is my best friend and she makes me feel like I'm actually alive, like I can move forward and do things. Like I have valid opinions and emotions. Having her back in my life has helped me bridge the disconnect between me and reality. 

She is strong, and beautiful; her writing is brilliant and she has excellent taste in books and tv shows; she has a killer wardrobe and a love for boots that matches my own; she believes in magic and will take long nighttime walks with me; she doesn't take shit from people and she can be one of the sweetest people ever. She can make an incredible cup of coffee. Her music taste is diverse and fantastic. She makes bad puns and likes to hoop barefoot outside. She's not afraid to stick out and she has this laugh she does sometimes that sounds like a cackle that I love. 

Another club photo. I think from 2010.
And she gets me. She always has. She doesn't mind if I babble on about fictional characters because she does it too. We can bounce ideas off of each other for our writing and actually pull ourselves out of a block by doing it. There are very few people whose creative energy can feed my own and she is one of them.
During the times when we have not been on speaking terms I have always had people asking me if I regret getting a matching tattoo with her. The answer was (and will always be) no. I have never regretted it, not even when I've been beyond furious at her. Because even if we never spoke again that would never erase the friendship we had. No matter what she still would have been a pillar in my life, someone who has given me strength and helped  keep me from flinging myself over the edge. Even if we never worked through things, she would still be one of the most important people in my life.

Of course, I am hoping that we are always friends, because my life is definitely brighter with her in it. I love her more than I have loved almost anyone else. She is not my sister by blood but she is in my heart. 

And because she is so awesome, you should check out her blog & her shop. :D



  1. ASDFKJMLTJYLHTYKNGRHKN WORDS I JUST *rolls around the floor getting weird looks from the cat*
    I actually realized something being apart from you this past year, and its not like, I dunno, the best thing but I guess it could be worse? I dunno, but I realized that if I fight with you, its because I care. I bicker a ton with my close friends, usually because I just worry about them and when they're being stubborn about it we butt heads. So if I bicker or get mad at you, its because I care! Strange as that sounds.
    I remember that party because we had to carry a drunk person up the stairs to bed, and we were wearing the same shirts. Also we sang better than anyone else at Rockband xD
    Kids, if you drink vodka straight while playing DDR, you will in fact end up sitting on the mat attempting to play with your hands.
    We will always be friends, its one of those things I feel in my bones, somewhere between the muscles and sinewy bits, it'll always be there. No matter how often we fight or butt heads, we'll always find each other <3
    And I do in fact cackle like the swamp witch I truly am.

    1. I know it's because you care, I have never really doubted the fact that you care about me.
      That was such a good party, as was that ddr experience, oh man, I am up for doing that again anytime xD
      I am so incredibly happy to have you in my life, even if we don't get along sometimes. <3

    2. I just balled my eyes out and I have no idea why... oh wait, I know why... 'cause I miss you guys so freakin much.I'm so glad you are getting along again, it makes me feel better to know that you can lean on each other like you have since you met pretty much. I remember deciding to introduce you two because you both became so important to me and it was like a switch went off in my head telling me it had to be done and now here you are...
      Gotta love Stewart Townshend and his leather pants too...
      You and Sue are the two most important people I have or will ever meet in my life, even if I don't always show it and I would do anything for you.
      But you know that ;)

    3. sbfjdsbfj I MISS YOU SO MUCH JENNIE! <3
      You brought us together and I love you so much for always being such an amazing friend.
      I love you xoxoxo

  2. Feeling like a creep, haha but that was super touching. It made me think of one of my best friends-turned sisters. On a side note, I wish I had gotten to know you and Sue better while you guys were still in the Burg!

    1. We definitely should have hung out more! :)


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