Sunday, February 2, 2014

Non-Perfections

I want to talk about non-perfections. Not flaws, necessarily, mostly because I don't like applying that word to people's characteristics (unless their assholes, in which case I don't care) -just those little things that we see in ourselves that are not "perfect."

I love all the body positivity I see on the internet these days. I really really do. I love seeing people learn to embrace themselves, not caring what other people think about the way they look, and allowing themselves to just be human. But, let's face it, the internet does also let us pick and choose what we show off to the world.

And that's not a bad thing. I am pro-selfies all the way. I love being able to take my own picture and choose how to edit it (or not) and post it for others to see. I love having control over how I am portrayed.


But because I can just show you what I want to, you don't get the whole picture. Sometimes literally. I can show you the side of my face that looks good and doesn't have acne, I don't have to share the way my legs look, my chipped nail polish, or the various faces I make throughout the day.

So because I am lazy and don't quite feel like taking pictures of all that, I am at least going to share a list of some of my non-perfections with you. Because I don't like the idea of people having a false illusion of me.

So.
  • I have one crooked canine in my top row of teeth that drives me crazy most of the time which is one of the reasons I hate smiling for pictures.
  • My thighs (and my ass if we're being completely honest) are the thickest parts of me. I'm not really a big person, but any excess weight I carry around is in that general area. Sometimes I'm self conscious about it, sometimes I just think my ass looks fabulous. It's an ongoing struggle.
  • Sometimes my skin hates me and breaks out everywhere. It's painfully annoying.
  • My nail polish is in fact usually chipped despite all my attempts at keeping it neat. The result is usually a grungy angst-ridden teenager effect.
  • I make so many faces. Weird, unattractive, dorky faces. I make them when I read, when I watch things, when I talk to people, when I listen to music, when I'm bored... 
  • Sometimes I think my forehead is too big. Not all the time, but sometimes I think about it and I hate how much space it takes up on my face. It's ridiculous, I know, but I can't help it.
  • There are times where I don't shave my legs for weeks at a time. Mostly because I am lazy and can't bring myself to care enough, especially when it's cold outside. 
  • I am moody. Seriously, I can be a moody fucker. I have always been that way. I can go from fine to upset or angry at the flip of a switch.
  • I can also be painfully apathetic. I mean, I care about a lot of things and people in the world, but sometimes I get up in the morning and I just don't give a single fuck. It can make me frustrating to be around for sure.
  • Sometimes my anxiety is so bad that I can barely function and it's hard for me to talk to people. It's usually not anything personal but it's still taken the wrong way most of the time.
  • I probably (okay definitely) spend more time on tumblr than is healthy. Working on it.
  • I am way too attached to various fictional characters. I am typically way more interested fictional worlds (of my own creating or not) than I am with real life and real people. I mean, I'm not disinterested with reality, but I've always been an escapist.
So there you go. A list of some of my non-perfections, things you would know about me if we interacted on a regular basis outside of the internet. I wouldn't really call them bad things (well, the anxiety is bad, I'm not a fan) but they're real things that often get lost when I open my web browser.

How about you guys? Any non-perfections you're willing to share?

x

10 comments:

  1. I love this, such a great idea for a post and I really appreciate you sharing your non-perfections. I like doing this kind of thing, so I'll share some of mine too.
    - I also have crooked teeth, or more aptly, extra teeth. Basically I have two teeth on the top that have grown way back from where they should because as a kid I hated pulling my teeth / they never came out (I still have a few baby teeth). If you see me straight on my teeth look pretty straight, but if you see me smile from a weird angle then you can sometimes see my extras and it makes me uncomfortable. I call them my 'back fangs' affectionately, and bread gets stuck on them a lot which is annoying! In this line of thought I really hate it when people think all British people have bad teeth!
    - My left eye is lazy, and I'm really self conscious about it. For that reason I usually turn my head when taking pictures so I'm not looking straight on, that makes it less obvious. I want to get it fixed, which would be classified as cosmetic surgery. I also have a condition called None-Conversion which means my eyes don't work at the same time, although I can see out of both eyes my body can only ever use one at once (I'm a secret pirate!)
    - I also pull faces pretty much constantly!
    - If somebody is bothering me / has annoyed me I tend to freeze them out completely, something I'm not particularly proud of, but it's true. Rather than tell them what they did I just ignore them.
    - I move on from things really fast and I know some people take it the wrong way when I'm not as upset about something as they think I should be. Not really a non-perfection since this is other people's perceptions projected onto me, but I thought I'd share :)
    - I have a temper and I really admire when people stay calm in situations where people get in their face because I know I wouldn't be able to.

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    1. You are in fact a badass fairy pirate and don't let anyone tell you otherwise :D
      Thanks for sharing lovely <3 I think it's good to say stuff like this and put it out there. It at least helps me feel more comfortable about who I am and makes inside my skin a better place to be.

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  2. I was reading your list and throughout most of it I found myself thinking "You know? I love that about her!" Like the random faces you make that you don't always notice... the fact that we both have that lazy left eye... even your temper. It reminds me you aren't perfect because I tend to forget that you aren't.. at least not to yourself. It also reminds me that if I love your imperfections, and some of them we share, I should love my own which proves harder to do every day...
    I won't list my flaws because I know them all too well and lately I've become too focused on them maybe... but if you ever do a post about perfections I'll try to participate :)

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    1. Mreow, I love you so much <3 Although I think you mixed up me and Lottie's lists xD Although I do have a temper (that has gotten better though I swear, it's not nearly as bad as it used to be haha)

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  3. -I make really ridiculous faces, this is fact, but I love them and I love yours too
    -I have terrible body acne and I'm seriously ready to just bathe in benzoyl peroxide because I don't know what else to do. I have scoured the internet for cures and come up empty. Everyone knows what to do with acne on their face apparently but shoulders, arms, chest, nada.
    -I cannot sit still for the life of me. I loathe watching TV most of the time because I can't stand the time being wasted. I can't relax and taking a moment to do anything non-productive makes my anxiety go balls to the walls. I feel awful when I can't force my brain to be okay with stopping to spend time with others.
    -I would rather be writing/making jewelry than being around 90% of people. Fact.
    -My temper has gotten a lot worse, but I like to think I just speak my mind now and take no shit.
    -I have huge manly shoulders that just don't know what to do with themselves. I will never wear a women's blouse and its just something I accepted a while ago.
    -I have screwed up teeth from a blow to the jaw from a basketball when I was a kid, thats why I don't show them often.
    -My smile (like, my lips/face/laugh lines) are crooked because I would chew the left side of my cheek constantly to stop myself from fighting with people. I do it at times when I'm frustrated with work just out of habit, and thats why I chew gum so much.
    I love you just the way you are <3

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    1. I love your non-perfections, I think you're wonderful and I love you <3
      (Also, we are the weird face making queens I think xD)
      xoxo

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  4. -My bottom teeth aren't perfectly straight despite 3 years in braces.
    -I hate smiling for pictures because I just feel like I look awkward
    -I'm a little too hardcore about my fandoms (I obsess. A lot.)
    -I too make strange faces while reading/listening to music/daydreaming etc.
    -I get really anxious when I'm in public by myself (If I'm going into a store for something specific it's fine, but I freak out if I'm browsing on my own)
    -I'm too forgiving/submissive. It's difficult for me to stand up for myself because I've always been made to feel guilty for being upset when people mistreat me.

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    1. I am obsessive with my fandoms too, no worries xD
      And I know what you mean about being too submissive, that's something I've struggled with for a long time, especially after dating Dave. It's hard to work through
      x

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  5. I feel like I don't hide much. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I've been told by therapists that it's bad, that I share too much. I probably do, especially on my blog. But whatev.

    1. I swear - loads.
    2. I smoke.
    3. When I drink, I either drink enough that I'm calm and relaxed, but if not? I get extremely drunk. (This has luckily only happened three times.)
    4. I get loads of acne.
    5. I get mad easily, even if people are giving me only constructive criticism. Criticism is something I cannot handle.
    6. I have a hard time making choices.
    7. To be honest, I have a hard time doing much by myself. I always need help, or reassurance.
    8. I have dentures, and I had ill-fitting ones since I was 17. Last year, my dentist gave me a free, brand new pair. Now I love them.
    9. Definitely NOT a non-perfection, however people see this as such: I'm huge into D/s lifestyles.
    10. Same as above: I'm a bit of a vampire. No, not the kind that can't go out into the Sun (though the Sun does burn me, but that's 'cause I'm Irish). No, I mean I am a bit sanguine and also a bit psi/energy. This has grossed people out.
    11. I often have very crude humor. I don't share this with most people, luckily.
    12. My OCD puts thoughts in my head that are so un-me, and only Jen and my psychiatrist/therapist is aware of.

    I'm sure there's more. :P

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    1. Oh gosh, I'm with you on the drinking thing. I'm either buzzed enough to feel fuzzy and happy or plastered xD I don't mind it though.
      My anxiety does the same thing (as your ocd) it puts thoughts into me that don't feel like me at all. It's frustrating, and difficult to deal with.
      <3 xo

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